To: Jesus of Nazareth, Gallilean Ministries
From: The Ecumenical Council of Jerusalem
We would like to commend you on building such a large ministry in such a short time. To have attracted the large number of followers you have in just three years is unheard of.
We are especially proud (and a little jealous) of the good work it is reported you have been doing among the poor and hungry, sick and deformed.
We do have a few questions, however.
It is reported that on at least two occasions you and your disciples fed groups numbering upwards of five thousand people. We know from our inquiries that your ministry operates on a very limited budget with no visible means of support. Furthermore, there are no markets or warehouses in those locations where you might have procured the food. Where did you get it and what means did you use? We would like to have our investigators drop by to discuss this matter with you.
There are numerous reports of so called healings taking place when you are around. We have no record of you attending any medical school nor are you licensed to practice medicine in our country. The reports have stated that you have spat on people and made mud from the street as poultices. These unsanitary practices must stop immediately. Please cease and desist from ‘healing’ unless and until you are properly trained and duly licensed.
Next, in regards to your teaching. We enjoy your messages about love and acceptance, they are truly heart warming, especially the ‘love thy neighbor’ and ‘judge not’ series. We are very concerned however about your more controversial messages such as ‘remain in the vine’ and ‘every tree that does not bear fruit will be cut off’. These sound very condemning and unloving. Most worrisome for us are the times you have said ‘go and sin no more’, ‘ stop sinning or something worse will happen to you’, and ‘a tree is known by it’s fruit’. Who are you to tell another person what is right or wrong? Don’t you know that each person has the right to determine right and wrong for themself? In the future, please stick to platitudes and refrain from moralizing.
Your view of our holy writings is, shall we say, alarming. You seem to think that you know how they should best be interpreted, ignoring the schools of thought that have been carefully developed over the centuries. You want us to believe that they should be taken and believed as they are written, when it is obvious to everyone that they are outdated and in need of modernizing for each new generation. Your repeated use of the phrases ‘have you not read’ and ‘Moses said’ indicate an alarming bent toward fundamentalism that has no place in our culture. It also shows a distinct lack of education. Where did you attend seminary and where did you receive your ordination? We find no record of these events. Please forward us copies of the pertinent documents.
Finally and most distressing to us are your statements concerning yourself. You repeatedly have called yourself ‘the Son of Man’ and ‘my Father’s Son’. You said ‘I and the Father are one’. You even claimed the holy name ‘I AM’. You claimed the prerogatives of God himself; power of healing, power over nature, power over death, forgiveness of sin.
Surely you understand what it would mean for your claims to be true. For if you were actually God, then we would have to listen to you, to obey you, to fall at your feet and worship you. It would mean we have to accept what you said, including your acceptance of our holy writings. And most distasteful of all, it would mean you have the right to tell us how to live.
In light of these objections, please refrain from referring to yourself as messiah or God or any variation thereof.
Your immediate attention in these matters will forestall legal action on our part.
Ecumenical Council of Jerusalem, consisting of
The Pharisees, The Saducees, The Scribes, and all the Good and Moral people of Israel.