I often tell my wife that I wish I had a magic pill that someone could take that would fix their marriage and their life.
As we near our 35th wedding anniversary, I am amazed and happy at the state of our marriage. Is it perfect? By no means, we fuss and fume all the time. But, I dare say, it’s one of the best around. Am I content? Again, no. We (and I specifically) work at it continually.
Why? Because we’re just better people? Hardly. We are broken and bent just as much as the next. Is it that we’re lucky? Again, nope. For many years we were headed downhill (read our story here).
I attribute our success to two things:
- First, we both individually then later as a couple submitted to God and his ways. We made a conscious decision to turn our lives over to Him and do whatever He said. And that was tough. It meant admitting that we were wrong, not just a little off but often completely one hundred percent wrong. It meant changing our behaviors when we didn’t feel like it hoping against hope that the feelings would change too. And they did.
- Second, with God leading us, we sought out His principles for marriage and relationship and living, primarily in the form of books (see our reading list here). By learning how marriage is supposed to work and what makes each of us tick, we are able to focus on the things that build and minimize the things that destroy.
But back to the magic pill. I believe there is one. But we as a whole don’t really want one. I have coached several guys through Heartsong and invariably, they have abandoned the path toward healing.
Why? The answer is threefold.
One, we don’t really think we’re the one that’s broken.
Two, we don’t really believe that God will fix us and our marriage.
Three, we don’t believe that the hard work required to change will be worth the struggle.
I am willing to make a startling claim: If you and your spouse will take the magic pill your marriage and life will improve. Guaranteed.
The Magic Pill
Submit to God. Come to the point in your life that you cry out to Him as I once did, ‘do whatever it takes to show me what’s wrong and to fix me.’
Learn and Practice. Read. Study. Listen. Then do. Find out everything you can about godly living and godly marriage. Then with His strength, do it.