God

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You’re Worthless… and Other Lies

You’re worthless!…

When are you going to grow up?…

Why can’t you be like your brother??…

You’re such a failure…

The world would be a better place without you…

 

These words hurt. A lot. But they are not the words of a cruel father to his son. They are not the words of a wife to her husband. They are not even the words of an enemy.

They are the words that flow through my mind on an all too often basis.

BUT, they are LIES!

You see, I’m broken. We all are in some ways. My particular brokenness (at least the one I’m disclosing here) is hard to describe to those who don’t deal with it in their life. But it’s very familiar to many of you. All my life I have overextended myself to do great things and then turned right around and sabotaged my efforts. I have heard those words echo in my ears countless times. Why?? What is wrong with me?? Am I insane? Why am I so happy one month and then so low the next?

About a year ago, while searching for an answer to this, I had a shocking revelation. I found a description of a disorder that seemed to fit. I even found a few places that had a self questionnaire…and I fit each marker….

Bipolar Disorder (also called Manic Depressive).

I go through cycles of being very up (manic) followed by times of being very down (depressive). The way I describe it is; when I’m in my upswing, I’m the king of the world and can do no wrong, and when I’m in my downswing, I’m the scum of the earth and can do nothing right. The problem comes when in my upswing I commit to more than I am truly capable of and then in my downswing I abandon all my projects and leave others hanging. That is when the lies come yelling in my brain….

What then is the answer for me? Go to a doctor and get prescribed a bunch of drugs? Just deal with it (that hasn’t worked by the way)? Just chuck it all and go be a hermit (sort of).

I decided I would go to God for the answer. And He gave me one! I can sum it up with the phrase ‘this too shall pass’. He taught me that most of the worst decisions I have made in my life were when I was at the extreme top or bottom of my cycle. So the answer to bad decisions is to not make them in a rush or without good counsel. He taught me to wait.

He taught me to question the thoughts in my head to see if they are true or not.

(I do understand that I have a fairly mild form of BPD, and that there are many people who need medications and specialized treatment… If you, or someone you love needs help, please find it as soon as possible.)

He taught me to see through the lies and to hear His response:

Me: You’re worthless!…

Jesus: Really? I died for a worthless man? No, I came to show you how truly marvelous you are to me!

Me: When are you going to grow up?…

Father: I’ll always think of you as my son. Just rest in me. Besides, I like kids!

Me: Why can’t you be like your brother??…

Jesus: Why would you want to? There is only one like you, and I love you!

Me: You’re such a failure…

Spirit: True, you failed in this instance and have made mistakes in others, but that is how I am teaching you to be more like Jesus. And when you see the tapestry of your life from this side… WOW!

Me: The world would be a better place without you…

Jesus: True, the ‘world’ would likely not notice if you were gone, But Lynn would… and Dustin… and Brendon… and Frank and Debbie… and Gordon and Kathy… and so many others I can’t even mention.

Special Note: Thoughts of self destruction are one of the markers of BPD. While I have never attempted or even seriously considered harming myself, thoughts similar to the last one above go through on a fairly regular basis.

For more information see here:

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

and here:

Bipolar disorder — sometimes called manic-depressive disorder — is associated with mood swings that range from the lows of depression to the highs of mania. When you become depressed, you may feel sad or hopeless and lose interest or pleasure in most activities. When your mood shifts in the other direction, you may feel euphoric and full of energy. Mood shifts may occur only a few times a year, or as often as several times a day. In some cases, bipolar disorder causes symptoms of depression and mania at the same time.

Although bipolar disorder is a disruptive, long-term condition, you can keep your moods in check by following a treatment plan.

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Losing My Religion

While in a truck stop the other day, a song from the past that I have always detested played over the muzak. I’m not sure I’ve ever understood the song or even really listened to it much. The line that has always bothered me is;

That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don’t know if I can do it

R.E.M. ‘Losing My Religion’ 1991

But when I heard it yesterday, I realized that is exactly what God wants me to do, lose MY religion.

re·li·gion – noun \ri-ˈli-jən\

: the belief in a god or in a group of gods
: an organized system of beliefs, ceremonies, and rules used to worship a god or a group of gods
: an interest, a belief, or an activity that is very important to a person or group
All the trappings of religion get in the way of just loving, and being loved by, God. To the religious leaders of His day, Jesus said: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices–mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law–justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.  Matthew 23:23-24 (NIV). To another leader who was trying to justify himself and make sure hadn’t missed a rule, Jesus said: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV)

I want to think that following a list of rules brings me closer to God. It’s easy to measure my progress if I have a checklist to check off. I like hard and fast do this, don’t do that. And while lists and rules may be helpful at times to bring a sense of order to the amorphous command of ‘Love God and your neighbor’, it becomes way too easy to stop at the end of the list and think I’ve done my best.

The main thing I’ve learned over my journey the last six months is that it’s not about action, it’s about my heart. I can do all the right things and have a heart as cold as stone. I find it much harder to have a heart that is tuned into God and still want to behave badly. When I am spending time and energy focused on God, I tend to see that the right actions flow naturally from my heart. So, it’s not about my religion and my rules and trying to please God. It’s about being in touch with Him and learning to think and feel in the way He does. It’s about love.

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8 (NIV)
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Truth, What is Truth?

 

Now that Easter is past for another year, there may be some who agree with Pilate:

What is Truth?

There are many claims bandied about whether Christianity should be believed or not:

  • It works
  • It is a fantasy
  • It makes a more stable culture
  • It is full of hypocrites
  • Just believe it
  • Only ignorant and backward people believe it.

But for any proposition, there is only one accurate question to start with:

Is it true?

Easter is the crowning point of the Gospel. We look to it as proof of the truths that Jesus proclaimed. If it is true then all the Gospel flows from it, if it is not true then we would be better off believing in a log! Or as the Apostle Paul said:

And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.
1 Corinthians 15:14-19 (NIV)

I’d like to take a look at the Resurrection by asking a series of yes/no questions. I’m not going to try to give proofs to them, for those proofs are easily discovered through a simple Google search on the internet.

Did Jesus rise from the dead?

No, He did not rise from the dead.

Was He crucified?

No, He was not.

Did He really exist?

No, He was a myth.

Yes, he was a good teacher who was misunderstood and became a legend.

We have the evidence of the New Testament that was written within 60 years of the events. We have existing copies that date to the 2nd century. The claim that it was written many centuries later is patently false.

We have evidence from outside the Bible that Christianity was in full swing long before any myth or legend surrounding Him could have formed. He lived around AD 30 and we have references to Him and to Christians in the latter part of the same century. If He lived and didn’t die, his disciples were the greatest hoaxters that ever lived.

Yes, He was crucified.

Did He die?

No. He passed out and revived later, then fooled His disciples into believing He had risen from the dead.

So, He endured a beating and crucifixion by the experts in inflicting pain and damage, then somehow appeared healthy enough to fool the men who knew Him best?

Yes. Then what happened to the body?

His disciples stole his body, either from the tomb or before and created the story of His rising.

According to church history, 11 of the 12 apostles ending up being martyred for what they taught. It is stretching credulity to believe none of them would recant what they knew to be a lie.

The disciples misplaced the body and fooled themselves into believing He had risen.

Why then didn’t the Jewish leaders just produce the body? Also, the disciples had watched Him die and reasonably thought they were next, why would they believe He had risen?

Yes, He rose from the dead, thus proving He was who He claimed to be.

So then, we are left with 3 choices about Jesus;

  • Legend
  • Lie
  • Lord

If he was a legend or a lie, then go on about your life and leave us poor deluded folk in our ignorance.

BUT if the resurrection happened, then the worst decision of your life would be to ignore it and pretend He doesn’t exist.

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Reformation or Resurrection?

Religion is about reformation. Reform the world. Reform your actions. Reform your appearance.

Easter is about resurrection. The dead coming back to life. Jesus doesn’t want to help us reform our old life. He wants to kill it. Then give us new life instead.

The old life is marked and marred by a constant struggle by our Self to have its own way and do its own will. The old life is permeated by moral failure. We try, but we can’t even live up to our own meager standards, much less God’s. Sometimes that failure (which God calls sin) is a conscious choice. Often it is an ingrained habit. It may have even become an addiction. The result is damage to ourselves , pain to others, and separation from our God.

The good news of Easter is that through the Crucifixion Jesus has broken the stranglehold Sin has over us, and through the Resurrection He has demonstrated His power over death. His offer to us is one of hope. Not a cheap, simple, self-help hope. Not a reformation project, but a complete tear-down and rebuilding project. He offers us death and resurrection. By allowing Him to kill our old self, He is then able to create a new life in us that has the ability to say no to sin (moral failure) and is able to follow Him in doing good .

This offer is given to every person, but each one of us has to personally accept it. We must recognize our failures, and earnestly desire to be rid of them. We must accept his forgiveness for our sin. We must acknowledge that he has the right to direct our life.

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God– not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:1-10 (NIV)

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Acceptance and Love

This will be a difficult post to write. Not because of any earth shattering thing. Not because I failed miserably, but because it will be hard to not sound like I’m patting myself on the back.

The other day a very dear person to me confided and confessed a sin that will have long term effects in his life and mine. Now because of our relationship, I have the authority to speak into his life. At that moment I had a choice. I could condemn his actions and heap shame on him, blame him for acting foolishly, or reproach him for bad decisions. OR, I could model God’s love to him. I could empathize with him in the pain. I could help him to formulate a plan to move forward. I could let him know that no matter what he has done, he is always welcomed and loved here.

Our model in all things is Christ. What would he have done? To the Samaritan woman at the well, He brought her to the knowledge of sin then offered her the hope of relief. To the woman caught in adultery He defended her from the mob who wanted to punish her then offered her forgiveness. To the rich young ruler, He invited him to lay aside everything else and follow Him. To Nicodemus, He offered a new start and a new life.

I’m happy to say that God won the day. We were able to calmly and lovingly work through the issues surrounding his sin and what might happen. I believe he felt loved and accepted. That has not always been the case. Many times in my life (even most) I have been hard and unforgiving. I believed the way to keep someone accountable was to clearly lay down the law and rigidly hold to the consequences of violating that law. But what did that get me? A wife who was afraid to speak freely around me, kids who hid from me, friends who didn’t include me in their plans.

What has made the difference in me? Forgiveness. Truly understanding that I am not the shining example I thought myself to be. Realizing that I am a terribly flawed man. Accepting God’s forgiveness for my sin and welcoming His correction in my life. While I am not the man I want to be, thank God, I am not the man I once was.

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Waiting

Waiting…. Waiting…. Waiting….

It seems I spend a large portion of my time waiting. Waiting at customers. Waiting for dispatch. Waiting on life. I’m currently waiting for my truck to get out of the shop. And I don’t even have a firm time commitment when it will be ready. Waiting is frustrating. It means someone or something else is in control. It feels like a complete waste of my time.

But is waiting a waste? Only if I let it be. As with most things in life, my response determines whether my experience is positive or negative. If I choose to fret or get bored, if I let anger over my circumstances control me, then I will see waiting as a bad thing. But if I choose to redeem the time, to find creative ways to keep busy, then I can even learn to enjoy the wait. Most importantly, if I can learn to seek God and His message for me in the down time, then it can truly become a bit of heaven to me.

But what about the long term waiting? Waiting for a new career. Waiting for retirement. Waiting for healing. Waiting for a loved one to come to Christ. Waiting for heaven. Waiting when there is no clear idea of when (or if) the answer will come. Then the situation is truly and utterly out of my control. Do I hope in luck or chance? Do I try to arrange things to my design? Or do I choose to trust that God has a plan and will work to make that plan happen?

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20 (NIV)

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5 (NIV)

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The Value of Social Media

It occurred to me today that social media plays a very important role in my life. It forces me to recognize that there are people who don’t think like I do, or enjoy the same things I do, or even share a common value system with.

I, like many people, have spent most of my life surrounding myself with those who look like me, sound like me, and think like me. Specifically, I have spent my life surrounded by church goers of a conservative bent. When I have had to be around those ‘others’, I have been uncomfortable and couldn’t wait to get back to ‘normal’ people.

Now that I spend quite a bit of time on Facebook, it being my primary source of interaction with friends, I am finding a great big weird world out there! With over 400 friends, most of whom are friends of friends, it is not uncommon for me to see posts that challenge my thinking, annoy me, even revile me. Every day I find myself rehearsing a snide comment or a sharp rebuke to a post, only to choose to let the opportunity go past. It would be easy to ‘un-friend’ people who are different or to verbally look down my ‘oh-so-righteous’ nose at them.

But is that what my Lord would do? No! He would find ways to engage them in conversation and kindly, lovingly show them His way. He would not berate or call names. He would not attempt to right every wrong or tell people they were ignorant or stupid. He would try to draw them to Himself with friendliness and love. I don’t believe He would shrink from engaging in a difficult conversation about morals or values nor would He stop short of calling sin what it is at the appropriate moment.

Now, I am not my Lord, so there are some conversations He could have that I cannot. Specifically, I can’t read someone’s heart, nor do I have a perfect understanding of His plan and will. What I do have is His Word. Where It speaks to a subject, I should let It speak for itself. I have the Spirit within me so that, if I am listening to Him, He will tell me what I should say (or not).

The Apostles spent time at the social media of their day, the temple and the places where people gathered to discuss the issues of the day. They were called to engage ideas and culture for the Lord. I must do no less. I cannot be afraid of offending for the message I bring is offensive to those who choose to ignore it. That does n0t mean I should be offensive in the way I present it. While I am convinced of the Truth of the message I bring, I must remember that even my Lord does not force His will on those He seeks to minister to. And like Him and the Apostles, I can expect to be rejected and abused for my faith.

Lord, give me

the Courage to speak the Truth in Love at the right time,

the Self-Control to refrain from speaking when the time is not right, and

the Wisdom to know the difference.

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Love?! What is that?

We hear a lot about love in our world and in our church. But what does it mean? And more importantly, how do I show love to others?

The world says love me by not disagreeing with me. Lovers say love me by meeting all my selfish desires. One church says love people by telling them about Jesus. Another church says love people by helping at a soup kitchen or mission.

While these have some element of truth to them, they all fall short of being satisfactory to me. The Apostle Paul said:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

Now I am starting to see what is but I still don’t get how to do it. From the gospels:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”  “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’  The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:28-31 (NIV)

He then went on to tell a story about a man:

“A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.  A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.  But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’  “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”  The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
Luke 10:30-37 (NIV)

I think maybe I finally understand:

  • I must get out of my comfort zone to really show love to people.
  • I must get face to face with people to find out what their needs are.
  • I must not care so much about what the right crowd might say about me being with ‘those people’.
  • I must give of ‘my’ stuff to ease the sufferings of others.
  • I must go out of my way to check in on them.

So, what does that mean to me in my day to day existence? How do I get face to face with people when I may have only 20 minutes of actual face to face contact with all people in an average day? How do I check in on people from hundreds of miles away? Should I give to panhandlers on the street when I see them smoking and wearing better clothes than I have?

  • Maybe a good start would be to actually notice others in the truck stops instead of going in on a mission with my head down. Hmmm, actually notice other people?!
  • Maybe getting out of the truck and going in would help too instead of just sitting alone in the cab. Meet real people!
  • Maybe make up some give away food bags that I can hand out as needed.
  • Actually smile and be nice to people, even ones that are… grumpy.

To quote a movie (Mask of Zorro), ‘this is going to take a lot of work’….

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Love & Hate

I am shocked! I think I have discovered one of the reasons there is such discord between Christ followers and unbelievers. We have wildly different definitions of words.

First this is how the words are defined to the world (from Merriam Webster):

Love

  • strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
  • attraction based on sexual desire :  affection and tenderness felt by lovers
  • affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests 
Hate
  • intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury
  • extreme dislike or antipathy
  • an object of hatred
 

And this is how I have always understood them to be defined:

Love, whether used of God or man, is an earnest and anxious desire for and an active and beneficent interest ins the well-being of the one loved.
The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia.

Hatred: A feeling of strong antagonism and dislike, generally malevolent and prompting to injury (the opposite of love); sometimes born of moral resentment.
The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia.

Please note the difference especially in the definition of Love. The world says if you love me, you must like me, and if I don’t like what you do, I must hate you because I fear you. The church says love wants what is best for you. So when we tell someone that what they are doing is, according to our understanding, harmful or detrimental to their spirit, then are we not being loving? Of, course we can say it in a way that demeans or disrespects and then we have stooped to hatred. But to just say what we believe to be true should not be taken as hatred.

But the question is often asked, ‘what right have I to criticize another’s actions?’ The right of a Brother living in the same Family.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.  Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:1-2 (NIV)

That is assuming that I am truly interested in helping my brother and not just playing some game of ‘I’m right, He’s wrong’, or one-upmanship. Now when there are honest differences of opinion over what is right or wrong, we should carefully go to the source of our knowledge (the Bible) and make sure we are hearing from it what God is saying.

Another common question is ‘Doesn’t the Bible tell us to not judge?’ Let’s take a look at that.

 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  Matthew 7:1 (NIV)

The word translated Judge is also used elsewhere with the fuller meaning of condemn, as in pronounce eternal judgement. We are not to take the place of God and pass judgement on someone but we are to inspect each others’ lives and help them to be more Christlike.

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back,  remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins. James 5:19-20 (NIV)

To those outside the Family I believe the first thing is to clearly show that we Love them and want what is best for them, then cogently lay out God’s salvation plan:

  • God loves each and everyone of us and wants to have a relationship with us.
  • Each of us has chosen our own way and spurned Him, thus killing any relationship with Him.
  • Jesus is the ONLY way back to a relationship with the Father.
  • All we have to do to have that relationship is to trust Him and believe.

After that the only thing we have to say is what Jesus said:

 “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.  What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?  Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?  If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”
Mark 8:34-38 (NIV)

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Resolution or Covenant?

Today many people will be making promises to themselves to ‘do better’  this year. Whether it’s to lose weight, get in shape, get organized, or any number of other good things. We lightly call these resolutions. As we all know, these resolutions last, uhh, a short time! I too have made my share and very few, if any, were really followed for any length if time.

Instead of a resolution I am instead entering into a covenant with God.

What is the difference you ask? A resolution is a decision that I make and unilaterally implement. As such, anytime it becomes hard I can choose to reject that decision without any regret because, after all, it was just my own choice. A covenant involves two persons and is an agreement between them for a particular purpose and for a particular time. So, while I may still break the covenant, I know that I will be disappointing the other person if I do. This gives me accountability and gives me pause to consider should I want to abandon my decision.

I covenant before God:

  1. As He gives me the grace and power, and

  2. Until He gives me leave to stop,

  3. I will devote myself to fulfilling my life’s mission statement:

To know and be known by GOD through regular study and worship, and to make HIM known to family, friends, co-workers, and strangers in need, by speaking the truth in love, acts of service, and sharing GOD’s provision. Ever more consistent, honest and open, quick to forgive and ask forgiveness. Choosing to make evident the Fruit of the SPIRIT in my life, asking in all circumstances, “What Would Jesus Do?”

  • Practicing daily spiritual disciplines as He leads, and

  • Reviewing and refining my daily actions to conform to the goals laid out here:

Upward – My experience with GOD

Worship
Prayer
Study

Inward – Learning to live as He would have me

Chastity
Temperance
Simplicity

Outward – Relating to other people in His name

Charity
Meekness
Generosity