Loneliness and the Love Bank

Loneliness.

One of the most heartbreaking feelings there is.  It’s different than just being alone,  I’m used to that, even thrive on it at times.  No, I mean the emotional hole when the person most important to you doesn’t seem to be interested right now.  When all communication is either one way or perfunctory or both. When every interaction feels to be an interruption.

What makes it worse is the knowledge that it is your own doing. And, at least for the moment, it seems there’s nothing you can do to change the situation.

We all have a Love Bank in us where we keep accounts for every relationship we have. Some accounts are very high and we feel very good about that person.  Some accounts are somewhat low and we don’t much care for that person. Some accounts are negative and we actively avoid those people. All of our accounts are in constant change. They rise.  They fall.  They rise again. Some get closed out.  New ones get opened. Closed ones gets reopened.

Every interaction we have tends to produce either a positive deposit into the account or a negative withdrawal from the account. Some things have very small impact while others have huge ones.  For example,  a simple dinner date may have a small deposit, while an elaborately planned weekend getaway may be huge (assuming it’s something she likes and it is in the budget). Conversely,  a minor grumble or cross word may have a small withdrawal, while uncontrolled anger or a betrayal may do major damage.

When one of your major relationship accounts that has been high suddenly takes a huge withdrawal it leaves an emptiness inside that begs to be filled. Some seek to fill it with addictions, be it drugs, porn, spending, etc. The lie here is that while addictions promise relief,  they NEVER satisfy, they only destroy in the end. Some seek to fill the hole with another relationship,  but that doesn’t work either, for the hole is still there.

The only lasting way to fill the hole is to make more good deposits and keep from making more withdrawals.  Yes, it may be a long time until the hole is filled, and depending on how badly trust was broken it may be difficult to get through her defenses, but it IS possible and definitely worth the struggle.

So what to do with the loneliness while waiting for the hole to be filled again?

First and foremost,  seek God and His comfort and companionship.

Second, spend time working on and letting God fix the parts in you that brought you to this place.

Third, fill your time with good and godly things, reading, hearing the Word,  prayer and meditation.

Fourth, just keep on keeping on.  Don’t fall for the lies of the quick fix.  Stay the course God has set for you.

This Too Shall Pass.

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